"I don't know why I'm here, but I know it's where I'm supposed to be.  I don't know what my ministry is, but I know that God's using me.  I don't know what my realm of influence is, but I know that He's it's ruler.  I don't know what my plans are, but I know my future is secure.  I don't know what my dreams are, but I know that they'll come true.  I don't know where I'll be in five years, but it'll be the right place.  I don't know if I'll ever get married, but I know that nothing can compete with His love.  I don't know what I'm looking for, but I know that I'll find it.  I don't know what I'm doing, but I know it's the right thing.  I don't know where my choices will take me, but I know I'll get where He wants me to be.  I don't know what seeds I've planted, but I know they'll grow.  I don't know where God is leading me, but I know it'll be the best place I can go.  I don't know what's waiting for me, but I know there's no place safer than in His arms."

I wrote this sometime last year, and it all still holds true.  See, I know all these things, but figuring out how to live that way, how to just let go, is so hard.  Even when I think I've done it it's just a few days later and all those burdens are back on my shoulders again and I'm fighting to get them off.  The freedom is a constant battle.

I met with a few friends last night and got rather confused on where we were meeting, ended up driving quite a bit out of my way and having to backtrack a good amount.  Normally this would be a bit frustrating, (waste of gas and all) but I decided to take it as a blessing.  I got to witness the entire sunset.  You know, I don't think I've ever seen a picture that could do it's sunset justice, I've certainly never taken one. 

I like it that way though, you know?  It makes them that much more dear, something that you just have to feast on while it's there and, if you can, hold it in you memory- your heart for the times in-between. 

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him.  Then you will overflow with the confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."
-Romans 15:13

Baked scones last night.  Wore a dress and knee socks.  Have gotten lost in art-journal-making.  Listening to lots of music, I think I might be finding that old rhythm again.  The air is so chilly outside, I think it's going to be an early winter.  Some how I don't mind. 

Two weeks ago I was up above the arctic circle with two friends for a night.  That's where I took this picture.  The evening we were there we were planning to hike, but we ended up just walking our way up the highway.  I'm glad we did.  It was beautiful, the sun was shining through the clouds, the mountains were all around us, the wind kept saying hello, and the pavement was warm on our backs as we lay in the road. 

I couldn't help but feel alive and free there, but mostly just filled with an insuppressible joy.  It's good to be where I am, even if it's lonely, even when it's hard, it's good.  It's really good.

a new space

I've decided to move on, but I'm leaving you with the link :)  I won't be deleting this blog, so we can visit back whenever we like.  It's a bit of a new start, a fresh season.  So we'll just have to see where this goes.  Here it is, Saltwater Eyes. 

It's a bit sad, a bit exciting, but definitely time.  Bless you all!  I'll miss this ol' space.

Much love,
Clara

Work at the greenhouse is over for the year, all the plants are cut back and wrapped up for the winter.  It's been raining a lot and freezing at night.  I just picked my herbs, lots of sage and chocolate mint, I bought them in the spring because I loved their scent, now I have to figure out what to do with them.  But I'm not worried. 

This blog is going to be different.  I'm not sure how, but we'll see.  My goals have changed so much, along with my perspective and hope, so this just seems right.  This winter is going to be a curious time, a lonely time, a just God and me time.   I have no idea where it will take me, but I'm excited to find out.  It isn't going to be easy though, but the best things rarely are. 

"Let all I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him."  -Psalm 62:5

camp

 To be perfectly honest, I wasn't planning on coming back.  And I don't know if I really am back or not.  Camp ended three weeks ago today.  It's been hard.  It was, without question, the best time of my life.  I don't think I've ever laughed that hard, ran that much, climbed that high, worshiped that often, felt that loved and uplifted, played that hard, or gotten so at the end of everything that I am and known and wanted God to take over.  It was amazing.

 Filled with so many firsts, conquered so many doubts.  Learned to laugh at myself and just  move on.  First time backpacking (twenty-seven miles, absolutely amazing), first time jumping and then diving off the high dive, first tattoo (!), first time hiking, first time praying a child to Christ (it was all Him, I did absolutely nothing, I was just there), and so many other things.

 Walking everywhere, being in God's glorious creation 24/7, with this constant sense of wonder at the knowledge that I was where he wanted me to be.  Without any doubt.  It was so right, to perfect, so pure, so completely Jesus.

 Able to love and love and love my girls, and when my love ran out I let His love run through me and keep loving.  Even when a twelve year old is throwing a tantrum or an eight year old is trying to turn her bed into a taco. (true stories) Learning to trust Him at the end of the week when they went home, they're His girls, in His hands, and He's taking care of them.  Better then I ever could.

 But it didn't end once they went home, and it's not over now, the prayers for these precious girls will continue as long as they reside in my heart.  So much laughter.  Quite a few tears.  But He is faithful, he's faithful to the end.

 It's really been the best summer.  The best season of my life.  Amazing co-workers, amazing friends. 

 It's so hard to let go, to move on.  I feel like Frodo a bit, at the end of LOTR when he says "how do you pick up the threads of an old life, how do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back."  I'm back from an adventure and I don't know what's next.  There's two more weeks of work at the greenhouse, and then...? 

I don't know if I'll keep posting here. But I'll be perfectly honest, I won't be responding to comments. I appreciate them, that you guys care, and I do feel bad about this, but I just don't have time. I'm sure you understand.  It'll be interesting to see where things go from here, to see where God takes me next.

Love, Clara

"When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.  I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."
~ Ephesians 3:14-19