To be perfectly honest, I wasn't planning on coming back. And I don't know if I really am back or not. Camp ended three weeks ago today. It's been hard. It was, without question, the best time of my life. I don't think I've ever laughed that hard, ran that much, climbed that high, worshiped that often, felt that loved and uplifted, played that hard, or gotten so at the end of everything that I am and known and wanted God to take over. It was amazing.
Filled with so many firsts, conquered so many doubts. Learned to laugh at myself and just move on. First time backpacking (twenty-seven miles, absolutely amazing), first time jumping and then diving off the high dive, first tattoo (!), first time hiking, first time praying a child to Christ (it was all Him, I did absolutely nothing, I was just there), and so many other things.
Walking everywhere, being in God's glorious creation 24/7, with this constant sense of wonder at the knowledge that I was where he wanted me to be. Without any doubt. It was so right, to perfect, so pure, so completely Jesus.
Able to love and love and love my girls, and when my love ran out I let His love run through me and keep loving. Even when a twelve year old is throwing a tantrum or an eight year old is trying to turn her bed into a taco. (true stories) Learning to trust Him at the end of the week when they went home, they're His girls, in His hands, and He's taking care of them. Better then I ever could.
But it didn't end once they went home, and it's not over now, the prayers for these precious girls will continue as long as they reside in my heart. So much laughter. Quite a few tears. But He is faithful, he's faithful to the end.
It's really been the best summer. The best season of my life. Amazing co-workers, amazing friends.
It's so hard to let go, to move on. I feel like Frodo a bit, at the end of LOTR when he says "how do you pick up the threads of an old life, how do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back." I'm back from an adventure and I don't know what's next. There's two more weeks of work at the greenhouse, and then...?
I don't know if I'll keep posting here. But I'll be perfectly honest, I won't be responding to comments. I appreciate them, that you guys care, and I do feel bad about this, but I just don't have time. I'm sure you understand. It'll be interesting to see where things go from here, to see where God takes me next.
Love, Clara
"When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."
~ Ephesians 3:14-19
