Every once in a while I come across a book that leaves me, I wouldn't say new or changed, maybe just blessed.  Where the vastness of its story and the depth of its meaning can't be absorbed, or even quite understood, with just one reading.  And the beauty of the thoughts and language in A House Like a Lotus left me close to tears.  It is one of those books

" "Lo, now we must sing Saranam," His voice was breathless, and he looked to Millie, who started singing. 

In the midst of foes I cry to thee,

From the ends of earth, wherever I may be,

My strength in helplessness, O answer me,

 Saranam, saranam, saranam.

Make my heart to grow as great as thine,

So through my hurt your love may shine,

My love be yours, your love be mine,

Saranam, saranam, saranam.

"What does it mean, 'saranam'?" I asked.

"Refuge," Norine said.

"God's richest blessing," Millie added.

Krhis said, "There is no English equivalent."

Frank laughed.  "There doesn't need to be.  Saranam says it all, loving, giving, caring."

Omio said, "I think it is like a Bakian word which mean that love does not judge."

Vee added, "Love is not love which alters when alteration finds." "





(Blurry photos at my friend's cabin)

My head is so full, I forget what I've been told the moment the speaking ends.  I can't seem to let go of weights I have no business carrying, weights that aren't my responsibility.  And they crush and paralyze, speaking lies of laziness and inadequacy.  It's scary how the dragons you thought were dead come back, or maybe they just had children you didn't know about.  The words that were said and the preasure that was placed now have ghosts that are harder to fight then they ever were before.  And I suppose that makes sense.  For they slip into your mind, pretending to be thoughts of your own, and they root so deep you're often unsure if you're fighting ghosts... or yourself.