Not sure why, but it felt good not to say anything. Sometimes life is just like that. Sometimes it's hard to keep ignoring the silent mental pressure to photograph everything and share everything, and so you just quit completely for an unexpected break. At least that's what I did. And maybe will keep doing. I don't know, it's hard. I like blogging, even though I have hardly any readers and even less comments, and even though I've been doing it for almost six years. But it's kind of evolved into a place to pop my thoughts out one step further than a journal, and into a place where it can actually be read by others. Crazy.
I don't really even share thoughts here though, more just impressions, I think, and small little happenings. I would still like to share what I make, but it's so darn hard to take photos of it, partly because I'm picky and partly because I'm forgetful. But I am still knitting and sewing, and baking and reading. And it's good.
I want to get better at being content to have joy in the beauty of life. I (like anyone) get so bogged down by the ugliness and cruelty and corruption that seems to find it's way into EVERYTHING, that I quit seeing the things that it's missed. And I give in to the panic and the fear and the overwhelming depression of it all. There's this quote though, that puts it well.
"I only deep the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for early light dappled through leaves and the heavy perfume of wild roses in early July and the song of crickets on humid nights and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that God gives. Why would the world need more anger, more outrage? How does it save the world to reject unabashed joy when it is joy that saves us? Rejecting joy to stand solitary with the suffering doesn't rescue the suffering. The converse does. The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful are all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest light to all the world. When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us?"
- one thousand gifts by Ann Voskamp
It's not exactly what I'm trying to get out, but very close. It's just, let's laugh, and let's love what we have, even if there's evidence that it might not be here for long. And let's soak in the beauty, not instead of fighting to save it, but let's look at it without the fear that it might not be here tomorrow, let's love today.
Love the sun over water, and the clouds as they gather. Love the unforeseen adventures and the special food and new drinks to try.
And love the rainbows and the glitter shoes, and the cool wind and the beautiful drives. And the special moments and messages that are just for you. Because there's hope. There is always hope.
Love, Clara
