Seems made up of golds and purples and lavender-gray blues. March was uncharacteristically warm here, the snow is melting, giant puddles and slush are everywhere. I think I even spotted some tight buds on a few trees while on a walk with a friend last Sunday. It snowed a little yesterday, but it's sunny again today. I've been trying to go after things that I want lately. Within my life and myself. I'm trying to be less of a passenger and more of an explorer, Opting for rather than just driving in my life, getting out of the car and walking. Seeing what I can see, what I can do, what I can touch.
I applied for a two month school, sort of thing, it's hard to describe so I'm not going to right now, I'll explain more if I get in. But it has felt so good to have tried for something. To actually take a step towards change instead of only thinking about it. And since then (I applied mid-February) it's been so much easier to go after smaller things. For example; I got out my quilt that I've been working on for around ten years and sewed the whole face of it together over Spring Break. And I've been slowly working on it since then. I want to get it done! No more pieces of things taking up space in my room for years on end.
It's exciting to see the pieces come together, and hopefully I mean more than just the pieces of the quilt. Hopefully other things will get stitched into place as well. I just feel on the verge of a change, of a good shifting of life. It feels like it's time. Or close.
Another change I know that I need to make, is taking care of myself. Rather than wasting time online or playing mindless games, I want to be intentional with my time. Filling my evening with things that bring be life and energy and a sense of purpose. I've been doing better with that, in some areas, but worse in others. It's so easy to excuse things that aren't the best choice when in the moment. To say, "it's been a hard day, I need this," when it's just scrolling through Pinterest for hours, and I could be reading a good book, or knitting, or sewing, or even watching a beautiful movie with a cup of tea.
Evenings seem to be the hardest, because the day has been so full, and exhausting. But I have been making small improvements. I've been reading (as you saw in my last post) and knitting. It's been fun, because I'm working on a design of my own, that I hope some time soon to actually release as a pattern. It's good to just try, even if no one buys it or knits it at least I did something, you know? At least I tried. And it feels good to finally try.
(that's my Plantain shirt peaking into the picture, I love it so much, I wear it once a week, nearly (and clearly I need to make another))
So it feels good to DO things, to finish long-term projects, to try something that might not work out how I hope it will. And just do my best. It's overwhelming, and rather terrifying, but it's exciting too, because there are so many possibilities in the risks. Happy Friday!
Love, Clara
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