Just let go.  Trust.  Try to find a rhythm.  Trust.  Don't wonder.  Just move on.  Embrace now.  Let go.  Breathe.  Smile.  Don't be afraid.  Trust.  Hope.  Don't dwell on the past.  Let go.  There is no "might have been."  Only today.  Only right now.  Let the absence of rhythm be the rhythm.  Breathe.  Love.  Give and give till there's nothing left.  Pray.  Let go.  Forgive.  Trust.  Remember it all.  Be thankful for it all.  Cry.  Trust.  Curl up in thick blankets with eyes closed tight.  Let go.  And Grieve for letting go.  This will not be for ever.  Now is still good.  Embrace it.  All of it.  The pain and the peace.  Let go.  Don't carry someone elses' burden.  Don't carry any burden.  Just pray.  Just breathe.  Just let go.  Keep hope.  Don't fear.  Don't wonder.  Just breathe.  Let go.

"Time was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be on.  I hope you never think about anything as much as I think about you."
-Jonathan Safran Foer

"I don't know why I'm here, but I know it's where I'm supposed to be.  I don't know what my ministry is, but I know that God's using me.  I don't know what my realm of influence is, but I know that He's it's ruler.  I don't know what my plans are, but I know my future is secure.  I don't know what my dreams are, but I know that they'll come true.  I don't know where I'll be in five years, but it'll be the right place.  I don't know if I'll ever get married, but I know that nothing can compete with His love.  I don't know what I'm looking for, but I know that I'll find it.  I don't know what I'm doing, but I know it's the right thing.  I don't know where my choices will take me, but I know I'll get where He wants me to be.  I don't know what seeds I've planted, but I know they'll grow.  I don't know where God is leading me, but I know it'll be the best place I can go.  I don't know what's waiting for me, but I know there's no place safer than in His arms."

I wrote this sometime last year, and it all still holds true.  See, I know all these things, but figuring out how to live that way, how to just let go, is so hard.  Even when I think I've done it it's just a few days later and all those burdens are back on my shoulders again and I'm fighting to get them off.  The freedom is a constant battle.

I met with a few friends last night and got rather confused on where we were meeting, ended up driving quite a bit out of my way and having to backtrack a good amount.  Normally this would be a bit frustrating, (waste of gas and all) but I decided to take it as a blessing.  I got to witness the entire sunset.  You know, I don't think I've ever seen a picture that could do it's sunset justice, I've certainly never taken one. 

I like it that way though, you know?  It makes them that much more dear, something that you just have to feast on while it's there and, if you can, hold it in you memory- your heart for the times in-between. 

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him.  Then you will overflow with the confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."
-Romans 15:13

Baked scones last night.  Wore a dress and knee socks.  Have gotten lost in art-journal-making.  Listening to lots of music, I think I might be finding that old rhythm again.  The air is so chilly outside, I think it's going to be an early winter.  Some how I don't mind. 

Two weeks ago I was up above the arctic circle with two friends for a night.  That's where I took this picture.  The evening we were there we were planning to hike, but we ended up just walking our way up the highway.  I'm glad we did.  It was beautiful, the sun was shining through the clouds, the mountains were all around us, the wind kept saying hello, and the pavement was warm on our backs as we lay in the road. 

I couldn't help but feel alive and free there, but mostly just filled with an insuppressible joy.  It's good to be where I am, even if it's lonely, even when it's hard, it's good.  It's really good.

a new space

I've decided to move on, but I'm leaving you with the link :)  I won't be deleting this blog, so we can visit back whenever we like.  It's a bit of a new start, a fresh season.  So we'll just have to see where this goes.  Here it is, Saltwater Eyes. 

It's a bit sad, a bit exciting, but definitely time.  Bless you all!  I'll miss this ol' space.

Much love,
Clara

Work at the greenhouse is over for the year, all the plants are cut back and wrapped up for the winter.  It's been raining a lot and freezing at night.  I just picked my herbs, lots of sage and chocolate mint, I bought them in the spring because I loved their scent, now I have to figure out what to do with them.  But I'm not worried. 

This blog is going to be different.  I'm not sure how, but we'll see.  My goals have changed so much, along with my perspective and hope, so this just seems right.  This winter is going to be a curious time, a lonely time, a just God and me time.   I have no idea where it will take me, but I'm excited to find out.  It isn't going to be easy though, but the best things rarely are. 

"Let all I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him."  -Psalm 62:5